Wednesday, January 26, 2011

So this is a topic I do not stress lightly for all those women out there who think just because they had a baby, this makes them a mother. The reason I chose this topic because it is something that weighs on my heart everyday. I have been a mom to a beautiful little girl for almost 3 years now and what I know about being a mom is that first and foremost, your child comes first... comes before any job, boyfriend, night out and the list goes on. I would give my life for my daughter and if anything ever happened to her and she left this earth, I would not be here!! I can tell you now my life would not be worth living and maybe that is why I choose not to have but one of my own... it would never be fair to another child of mine if I could not live my life because I lost a child. Maybe that is selfish but I know my boundaries of my love for my child... I have none!!
I want to tell you a story about a woman who has 2 beautiful kids but doesn't have the first clue as to what it is like to be a mother to those kids. This is a true story, it is my story. I have 2 step kids, Kyleigh is now 12 yrs old and Cody is 7. These 2 kids are some of the best and most tender hearted kids I know... I'm not saying that because they are mine(in a sense) but because I have observed other kids and they are not anything like them. They are not perfect, who is? I am just saying, they are great kids!! It's been about a year when their mother called my husband crying saying she could not handle Cody. He needed his father, someone to get him under control. Kyleigh is a daddy's girl, she has wanted to live with her daddy for some time but has been torn because she loves and misses him but also because she is afraid of hurting her mom's feelings. They live in California with their mom and we get them 2 1/2 months out of the year. It is always hard having them for 2 months in the summer and then sending them back and then just 2 weeks at Christmas knowing that it's a long stretch from January to June. So my husband goes to Iraq for a job this past March, doing what is best for our family in trying to get us out of a financial rut. The intention was to come back after 6 months because the kids were going to come live with us.  Within a matter of 6 months and Kyleigh having alot of aches and pains throughout her body, she was put into the hospital for testing and at this point, her dad went on emergency leave from his job in Iraq. In the week we met in California, Kyleigh was diagnosed with ALL. It's a type of leukemia for those who don't know. Wow, what a blow to the heart!! She was put into a high risk category and is going to have to undergo 6 months of chemo then for 2 years after that, she has to take a chemo pill just to ensure it does not come back. This is where I have problem number 1 with her mother... she was told by a doctor that she could get off work with pay for 6 months to take care of Kyleigh, her response... my mom is going to care for her!! I don't know about any other single moms but I'm sorry, I don't care what it took, I would be home caring for my child. I would accept any kind of assistance, move in with my family, anything just to be with my child!! This is one time in her life she is ill and as a parent, how can you feel good waking up in the morning and going off to work? I am not a single mom, but if I were, I am the sole caretaker and that is exactly what I would be doing!! 6 months of your life, come on, it's not eternity!! There are many families out there that have kids that are mentally challenged or ill and they find a way to take care of their kids, not depend on a family member to do it!! You have family to house you and help feed you, not do the one thing a mother is supposed to do or be for their child!! Second problem... guess what happens with Cody? He is here with me, been with me since June 30th, 2010. Let me just say, her reason would be to better care for Kyleigh and for Cody to get what he needs, but really? She did not want the responsibility anyway, he was coming to live with us before Kyleigh was diagnosed!! Not to mention, she sent him to be with me, my husband is not here. He has had to stay due to the fact that if he didn't we would be indebted to the IRS again and that defeats the purpose of him going over there in the first place. Do you know that she barely knows me? We never had a conversation until March 2010 when I have been around for 4 years now!! What kind of mother does that?? I could never send my kid to go stay with her step mom if I were in this situation!! Do you know that she calls once a week to talk to Cody? My husband has always called his kids everyday if not every other day. No, they don't have alot to say but as an adult, you let your kids know you are thinking about them and you love them!! These are the 2 main reasons I say that giving birth does not make you a mother. She is one of those women that likes to take credit for having children but does not put forth effort in being a mother to them. She has had several guys in and out in the last 4 years, she locks herself in a room with them, and  she does not even eat dinner with her kids(hence the bad table manners), Those kids have been put on the back burner for so long!! Of course, kids are such loving creatures and that is their mother(the woman who gave birth to them), but they don't know what it's like to have a real mother. I am trying to show Cody that but in the end, being a step mom is a thankless job. I will never replace their mother and I will never get the recognition I deserve for all that I have done to show each of them love and try to be the best mother I can be. It is hard being the woman caring for another woman's child and will never measure up in that child's eyes. I just try and be thankful that I do have a daughter that loves me unconditionally and I will always be number 1 to her. Tell me if I'm wrong to feel like I do? It won't change how I feel but it will help me see from another perspective. Ok, so this was my first blog and it is long!! I think I could go on and on about this woman, the woman who has made my life HELL for so many years just by being HER!!